So here I am. Twenty five and back to having a diary.
So let me keep tabs on what my life is now:
- I'm 25 and freelancing aka no permanent job or a steady flow of income
- A single mother .. of two. Also it means I've been a single mother TWICE already at my young age of twenty three
- 40 pounds heavier and well, not getting lighter
- my life is a wreck but I just see the good in it and swallow hard.
If I look into me now, 5 years earlier I wouldn't believe it is me. I'm fat and pimply (the last time I got pimples is around 15 years old and it's shit hard having acne at this age). What is disturbing is I'm, yet again, a single mom because I'm gullible like that.
I dont regret my kids, dont get me wrong with that. They are the good in my life right now. The only good and constant people. There are days I would look at them and try not to cry. I'm a shitty mom who can't provide that well for them. Sure they dont get hungry, but I cannot buy them the toys they want or throw parties for them because it's too impractical.
.
Also, my social life is non-existent at all. I barely go out. I barely drink. I dont have new friends. And you know what, as much as it kills me, I dont even have a love life. More, sex life. Although it benefits me because I can barely afford having my vajayjay waxed every two months and from black laced lingerie, I was sentenced (and should be put in jail) for an eternity because of my new found love of granny panties because my lovehandles can't handle bikini strings anymore.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, will it even get better?
The answer is far away but I hope I'm getting there.
